3 of My favorite films about identity and abandonment

There's no business like show business! That's how the saying goes right? Well, I wanted to share with you my all time favorite movies which I have related to in many ways when I think about my identity, abandonment, and having a duality due to ones mixed heritage, and why they are my favorite films of recent times. Please feel free to add to this thread with your own films so we can share in them.

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1. Citizen Kane
Directed by Orsen Wells
Won 1942 Oscar for best screenplay.

In this film we see a young boy, Charles Foster Kane, who's parents abandon him. As the film continues we see him becoming more and more successful, he needs more and more and more things, more accomplishments, more materials, a bigger house, a bigger palace, he needs to be the greatest at everything he does. Why? To me, this film brings out the pain and suffering of what abandonment can bring to a person and how that pain is manifest in that persons adult life. Why do great people who achieve so much need to keep going until they burn out? In my observations abandonment leaves such a hole in the heart of a young person it' shatters their self worth to the point where they need to prove that they are worthy of their parents love. I felt that Citizen Kane brilliantly displays how this man longed for the love of his estranged parents, and how his overwhelming desire to garner the attention of the public opinion and the love and adoration of the voters displayed the void in his life.

His condition was so severe that even when one woman loved and married him, it wasn't enough he needed more attention, he needed all to love him, even another woman whom he started to see while he was married to his first wife. He became obsessed with her singing and built an empire of material goods for her on a 49,000 acre plot of land.

Those who saw the film, all know of the famous phrase "ROSEBUD" uttered from Kane's lips as he's dying, which the reporter Raymond hears from Kane's mouth as he clutches a snow globe. Then we see the image of a sled that Kane played with as a child the very moment his parents turned him over to the care of Thatcher and ultimately abandoned him.

For those who have never been abandoned by their parents this film may be as entertaining as the next. But for those who have suffered throughout their lives dealing with issues of abandonment it's surely a film worth discussing in a therapy session.

In my own childhood life I have felt very much like Citizen Kane feeling like I want to please everyone, make everyone happy, try to not rock the boat too much for fear that I may loose the friendship of one of those people who have shown me some affection. I never thought once that it had anything to do with being abandoned as a child. I was adopted by a wonderful family, I had every opportunity to explore and excel at life, and I continue to find blessings which may one day lead to achieving earthly success.

But, will it all come down to my last breath where I utter my last phrase on my death bed of a Korean toy I played with when I was a baby? Will my life and all of it's work have been in vein in my quest and desire the win favor and love of my biological parents? After seeing Citizen Kane it makes you wonder.

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The Empire of the Sun - Stephen Spielberg 1987
Nominated for 6 academy awards in 1998

In this epic story of a boy, Jim, played by Christian Bale at the age of 12. We see a moment in time where he's the centerpiece of a very loving aristocratic family living in Shanghai during the outbreak of world war 2. During the Japanese invasion of Shanghai Jim is separated from his mom and dad and is forced to survive on his own. We follow Jim on this adventure as he explores his young adolescence alone as an abandoned child.

Now, I don't know if others noticed this or not when watching the film. But you will see that in this movie Jim very rarely is at rest. Even when we see him lying in his bed, we see he cannot sleep. His mind is always racing and moving, and is at the very least unsettled. Jim embodies great intellect and displays uncanny strength and courage throughout the film, but what we also see is his need for his parents love.

In the film, as I stated we see Jim constantly on the move, on the go, he's a little ball of energy. Even when most everyone is dying due to dehydration as the group migrates away from the concentration camp he's still in high speed mode.

But at the end of the film, we see Jim picked up by USA GI's and then he's brought to an orphanage where kids are reunited with their parents. We see Jim standing in the line up he's numb, he's done this routine many times waiting for his parents, he staring into space. As he finally his mother and father recognize Jim, His mother looks him in the eyes and he touches her face, he finally recognizes her and for the first time in the film we see Jim's eyes close as if he's going to sleep for the first time ever.

I found this part of the movie to be so moving to me. Because In many way's I felt like Jim, always running, people pleasing, trying to find acceptance. For most of my young life I never knew what it felt like to have a true blood bond. I knew there was something special between blood relatives, but I never realized what that was. And I could never relate to those who had that bond, and they could not relate to me because the one thing we never shared is that knowledge and that common human experience.

In 2001, my Jim moment came. When I met my first blood relative in my history, my daughter. When I saw her first ultrasound, I felt my feet touch the ground and I found myself an a very serene spiritual place. I realized that I used to run around, from one group of friends another, none of these groups would ever interact with each other so I would split time with each one of them and split my weekends and days between different groups of friends, the Jocks, the science team, the skaters, my punk rockers. Then in college they became more racially segregated, white, Black, Asian, Latino, etc, I would find time for all of my social groups because I was friends with all of them. But I could never have a party where they would all come together and I could just sit and have them all come to see me. But I know for the most part this was my fault because I let this happen. I didn't value my time, as much as theirs, I didn't value my friendship as much as theirs, and I didn't value my love as much as I valued theirs.

But my daughter arrived, and suddenly, I had all of the value in the world. I found my social schedule came to a screeching halt, a year ago if that happened I would have thought something was terribly wrong with me. But it did happen and I was perfectly fine with it. I found my purpose and it wasn't to be everything to everybody else, but rather to just be me. And I knew that no matter what ME was to my daughter it would be everything to her.

And for a moment, just like in the aforementioned film, I was able to rest and close my eyes and be one with my daughter and myself. It was the pivotal moment in my life.

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Wanted
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov
Nominated for 2 academy awards

In the film wanted we find ourselves following a self loathing looser named Wesley Gibson, his self worth is at an all time low, he hates his boss, hates his job, has no money, lives is squallier, his girlfriend is screwing his friend from work, and he let's every one and anyone walk all over him. Until one day he finds himself confronted by a women named, FOX , played by Angelina Jolie who rescues him from a gunfight in a grocery store. It is there he learns that his father is a part of a secret ring of assassins.

This movie is not about assassination, curving bullets, and some crazy loom in a warehouse that spits out names of people that this ring of assassins are to kill. This movie is all about identity and assimilation. Something we adopted folks are are really good at.

In the film Wesley Gibson is taken to a warehouse where he meets the rest of the gang of assassins. It's a very scary and uncomfortable situation for him. At a certain point FOX sits Wesley down in a chair and another man named the repairman played by Marc Warren, asks Wesley why are you here?

Wesley responds, I don't know. Which motivates the repair many to punch Wesley repeated in the face, beating him to a pulp. This continues until Wesley finally gets it. The repair man is beating Wesley senseless and continues to ask him why are you here? After many punches in the face, Wesley responds, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!

Why is this significant? Well because we realize that Wesley never had a relationship with his estranged father. So he couldn't understand anything about who he was, hence he didn't have an identity. Please chime in if this makes sense to you! Our parents are the focal point of our identity, we look up to them from the day we are born and we want to make them proud. So we do things in our childhood that would make our parents proud. But what happens if you loose your parents? or are abandoned at birth? or are lucky enough to be adopted? Will you ever know your true purpose until you start your own blood line or until you learn about your own blood line?

In the film, we see Wesley is taken into the room where his father used to live, he saw that his father was one of the greatest assassins to ever live. How empowering would that be? To learn that your father was the president, a basketball star, a singer, dancer, artist, mechanic? And for some reason you have always had a knack for the arts, sports, etc. But never knew why?

Wanted shows us the process of finding your true identity and how that process can be painful at times, but at the end of the day, finding your life's purpose is so empowering that it allows us to look past that pain to find the truth in our existence.

I love this movie. If you can find this angle to it, you can see the true brilliance in the script and what it means to folks like me who had a really tough time dealing with the fact that we never knew our biological fathers or mothers from a land far away.

In college I learned martial arts, I picked it up really fast. I'm a professional visual artist, I love to sing, dance, and am not afraid to perform on stage and put it out there. Of course I sometimes wonder, how much of these attributes were inherited from my biological parents, or am I just the result of my really amazing and nurturing REAL parents who gave me everything they could and offered me a life where the sky was the limit if I wanted it.


Until Next time

Venti-Soy Tazo Chai
Signing off!

Sicker than Sick

I've spent the last week, wiping runny noses, administering Tylenol, antibiotics, and taking trips to the doctor because my daughter was sick, who then got my girlfriend sick, and the both of them got my son sick. I was the last man standing. The YUL KWON of my very own Cook Island, although his abs are a bit more ripped. 

I was the triage nurse, the Dr., The Mr. Mom for my little ones when they woke in the middle of the night because they couldn't swallow, taking temperatures and running to the 24 hour CVS. My Texas love was amazed that amongst all of the germ infestations and viruses I was still healthy and wasn't slowed by the sudden influx of snotty noses and hoarse voices. 

But then it came like a Mack truck today, suddenly my voice sounded like James Earl Jones. If I could only find my stinking light saber I'd cauterize my throat and the heat would vaporize all of the phlegm. I found my body was heating up and my back was starting to get a bit achy. 

Then it hit me. I was like, hey i know what I'll do. I'll just take my new Korean Red Ginsing and my immunity will be pumped like a Californian governor. My immune system would be fully operational and ready to fire all pistols go. Then I was like - hey how about that! My korean side my mysterious asian culture was kicking in. I mean I had taken plenty of trips down to Chinatown NYC with my buddy Harry to get some of his mystical remedies. But I never thought that I'd be reaching for my very own peoples medicinal goods!

So here I lay sipping Korean Ginseng Tea, With the 100% pure Ginseng, lemon, and honey with some warm water to soothe my throat. I started to really become interested in the Ginseng when I was riding in a tour bus this summer on my first trip back to Korea. There was this kick ass tour guide and he was like. If you want to bring something back from Korea that is special to Korea, bring back our ginseng. It will keep you healthy and happy. 

I was like okay, how does it keep you healthy. He said well, it increases your circulation and thus helps your body heal itself. Just take one cup of ginseng tea in the morning each day and you'll never be sick. I was like wow. Really! I'm sold. Now I was of course curious wether or not he owned stock in the manufacturing plant but it seems that was not the case. 

So then I was like, okay how does it keep you happy. He looked at me and smiled a huge smile. I was like, what's the smile for? It was the kind of smile that a man gives another man when first man has just found the holy grail. So he leaned over and whispered in my ear. Do you have a girlfriend? Immediately, it hit me. The lightbulb went on. He didn't even need to say another word. 

So the moral of the story is that in re-discovery of my Korean heritage I learned not only that my motherland is about to become an economic super power and it's banks will soon own most of American Debt sharing ownership with China and Japan, but I also learned how to stay healthy, keep my woman VERY happy. And most of all that you should never under estimate a tour bus guide. 

They are chock full of useful information. 

Until Next time. 

Venti-Soy Tazo Chai

Twas the Night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, there's a Korean Adoptee that was stirring about to become Santa Clause.

Ah the holidays, such a funny thing for me, growing up in an italian family. My fondest memory is one year at my very Italian Christmas party my uncle, who was usually santa clause decided that he didn't want to do it this particular year. So of course the family was short on volunteers. So of course being the jovial person I am I decided I'd be Santa Clause. I mean they'd never have a clue! I just throw on the white hat, beard and stuff my red suit with pillows and viola! I'm Santa! Well a Korean Adopted adolescent becoming Santa for a Western European audience is not something that one can get away with. If you want to relate it to a movie, remember that scene in the Stephen King film, Carrie when the pig blood gets spilled on her head and everyone laughs at her? Yup, that's the same feeling I had. Only I didn't have the supernatural abilities to control fire hoses. But after all of the laughter and, "Hey Santa, where did you get that tan, comments. I successfully delivered the gifts to all and to all a good night.

This year, I have my own kids to become Santa for and it's truly a magical experience. I never knew what a joy it was to feel the magic of Christmas until I saw it in my kids eyes. The way they ran into the bedroom when I said it's time to go to sleep becuase Santa doesn't come when you are awake. My daughter said that we need 3 cookies for santa. My son although he's not tired is forcing himself to fall asleep just so those visions of gumdrops can become a reality faster.

I love this holiday because for a moment in everyone's life we can be a kid again. We can believe and bring magic to our children's lives even if it's for a short few years before they start snooping around for gifts or some kid at school ruins it for them by saying Santa's not real it's your parents that buy you everything. Those little Scrooges.


This holiday season I'm thankful for new beginnings, a new year, a new Texas love, a new extenstion of a family to care for, a new apartment, new neighborhood, new clients, everything is new. I reflect on the treachery of 2008 and bid it farewell for good. Aside from Barack Obama winning the office of the president, it was one of those years that will live in infamy, like 1929 (the Great Depression), 1941 (Pearl Harbor), and 1968 (MLK assassination) and 2000 (Bush won), 2001 (9/11 attacks), and 2004 (when Bush won again).

Thanks for checking out my DISORIENTED Blog - I called it disoriented because I was born in Korea, and was raised by Italians. When that happens you loose the ORIENTAL (how some Americans refer to Asian Americans) in you. Please join me every week for my face to face sessions with other Adopted Koreans, mixed blood hapa, bapas, and more called IDENTITEA! where we talk about adopted issues while we drink some of the most amazing tea!